Dating and Courting

Although the words "courtship" and "dating" are not found in the Bible, we are given some principles that Christians are to follow during the time before marriage. But first let's look at what we are not supposed to follow. We must not follow the world's view on dating because God's way contradicts the world's. In 2 Peter 2:20 it says "If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning." If you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior you are called to live differently. Society tells us to date as many people and as much as we want. The concept of dating usually encourages physical intimacy before marriage. We often get confused and hurt when we open ourselves up over and over. We develop ways to protect ourselves from being hurt. We shy away from true intimacy. We develop coping skills that lead us to a place of false intimacy, of isolation and even loneliness. The very thing we are trying to avoid is what society encourages us to develop.

So what are we as Christians supposed to do? First we need to determine what any relationship should look like. Our example needs to be in our relationship with God the father and Jesus Christ. When we learn about the relationship that God wants to have with us, we can learn about how to have a true, lasting and intimate relationship with our future spouse for the rest of our lives. The kind of relationship that God wants with us it truly intimate. He knows our every thought, every action and even intention before we do. He wants us to be at home being known by Him in this way. He wants us to be fully transparent and honest with Him. In Genesis 3 Adam and Eve tried to hide from God after they had sinned. This was our first step away from true intimacy. Ever since that day we have been hiding from ourselves, each other and God. Before Adam and Eve's first sin they had true intimate fellowship with God and with each other. It seems almost impossible to have a truly intimate relationship with another person here in earth without God being the center of that relationship. With God at the center of our relationship, we are ready to pursue soemthing closer to true intimacy with another here on earth.

So what is the next step in developing this relationship? We are urged in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 to "...not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?" We must first consider the faith of that other person. If they are not a Christian there will be conflict throughout your life with them. Like Paul says what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

When we are in a committed relationship with someone, it is important to remember to love the Lord above anyone else (Matthew 10:37). To say or believe that the other person is your "everything" or the most important thing in your life is idolatry, which is a sin (Galatians 5:20, Colossians 3:5). Also, do not defile your body by having pre-marital sex (1 Corinthians 6:9, 13, 2 Timothy 2:22). Sexual immorality is a sin not only against God but against your own body (1 Corinthians 6:18). It is important to love and honor others as you love yourself (Romans 12:9-10), and this is certainly true for a courtship or marriage relationship as well. Following these biblical principles is the best way to have a secure foundation for a marriage. It is one of the most important decisions you will ever make because when two people marry, they cleave to one another and become one flesh, which should be permanent, inseparable (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5).